Just Another Victim of his Beauty
by Novacaine Remix
Summary: When all else fails, Envy uses his ignorance to discover the truth of his botched relationship.


Of course Envy's a narcissistic bastard; no one's known him to ever be anything else through all his skort-bearing years. Which is why it came as a jaw-dropping surprise when Envy declared he'd found himself a mate, and even more so that it was a woman. Someone who can be interested in Envy that isn't a lesbian? Someone Envy could love more than himself without getting jealous of her? Everyone needed proof to believe it; but proof they did not get. Envy kept this woman hidden from all the other homunculi, perhaps afraid they'd try to steal his prize, or maybe he simply had fun as he led them all with tales of her beauty and grace, but would not give them the chance to make their own opinions. As quick as they were to assume that he was simply pretending to have found someone to love to get away from their intolerable poking and prodding, they assumed this woman did not exist; or if she did, Envy would grow tired of her within little time and kill her off to find another. But as weeks passed, and months turned into a year, they all, one by one, decided he'd never drag out a prank or fling this long. This time it must be something real.

Although none of the other homunculi had the skills he had when it came to sneaking around and following someone through a crowd, they all took turns monitoring Envy when he went on his "dates". Every time he left the old mansion to meet his woman for a day of shopping or a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant, he showed up for the date alone, and left after the date alone.

After 17 months, four days and fourteen hours, he'd kept track Envy declared to his family of homunculi that the relationship was over; she'd left him because of his narcissism. This didn't come as quite as much of a surprise compared to his initial confession 17 months, four days and fourteen hours ago.

As the days passed, and weeks turned into months, Envy fell into a fit of uncontrollable depression; another new surprise to his family who had all believed that without a soul one could not experience such a feeling. He toyed with suicide, but it only made things harder when he failed and continued to live no matter what piece of machinery he'd thrown himself through or what poisonous concoction he'd mixed with his liquor.

"Can you feel the love tonight?" The familiar voice on the TV screen sang; the tape had twisted itself into a knot and hitched, repeating that one, taunting line over and over.

In a fit of disgust, Envy hurled an empty liquor bottle across the room, and with a perfectly aimed hit smashed the glass monitor¹ encasing the colourful Disney based image frozen on the wide screen TV. The TV let out a few choked electrical noises, and then erupted with a pitiful little puff of smoke. With a roll of violet eyes and a toss of silky green hair, Envy rolled off his perch on the cushioned chair and fell to the floor with a thump. He didn't move for a moment, and contemplated staying there forever; just staring into the black carpet until his mind melted and he was no longer coherent to feeling this way. Unfortunately, before he could take his plan any further than a few minutes, the hairs shed from his long lost kitten enveloped him in a sneezing fit, and he rolled onto his back with a pitiful moan. Staring at the ceiling, the hardened, cone shaped drips of black paint seemed to transform and dance around each other until they positioned themselves as the face of his love. What was her name again? He could no longer remember; too many nights of drinking until the vile liquid no longer effected his mentality and overdoses of far too many drugs at once had begun to replace past memories he'd collected and decided to keep. What a pity; it was a nice name, too, that he could remember.

Envy was standing in front of the full length mirror in Lust's room, having shattered the one in his own, when the large-breasted woman appeared behind him. She was just tall enough to watch over his shoulder as he touched himself all over; almost seeming to try and prove to himself that he was still there and real.

"Y'still miss her?"

Envy didn't seem to acknowledge her lullaby voice until he gave a quick, almost robotic nod.

"But she's here now." The woman continued, and reached around Envy's wild, palm tree head to cover his eyes with her hands. At first he clawed at her lithe fingers, trying to free his vision, but she held tight and whispered for him to wait. "No Envy, I'm trying to show you now what I've finally figured it out myself." The sin finally stopped struggling, and when he fell still Lust lowered her hands. Between herself and the mirror stood Envy, but the reflection depicted a completely different person; it was a woman, both shy and confident, pretty and humble. She had shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes that widened in unison with Envy's. He reached up to touch himself again, and still felt only the flat, toned body he'd grown to live with, while the strange woman mirrored his movements, caressing her own soft body.

"Don't you see, dear Envy?" Lust cooed in the man's ear; he remained mesmerized, staring at the reflective glass. "It was you all along; you'd grown so in love with yourself that an entirely other being was created to take up the slack. You're too narcissistic for your own good." She turned away with a little snicker under her breath, swallowing up the sound of shattering glass behind her as Envy broke the mirror in anger and disappointment.

Just outside the room Wrath waited; "Lust? What's wrong with Envy?" He followed her with quick steps to keep up with her long strides.

"Don't worry about it, Wrath," She ruffled the boy's already tousled hair. "He's just another victim of his own beauty."

¹ Yes, I do realize that wide screen televisions to not generally have glass screens, but work with me here; he's trying to be dramatic for Christ's sake!


End file.
